Control and Responsibility
Dear Daughter,
In an earlier letter we touched on the ideas of control and responsibility. Releases a little deeper with these important concepts.
If you ever discover that somebodies behavior is driving you nuts, please decrease and think about the possibility of control concerns on your part. Did you know that it is possible for you to attempt to control another person and not even understand what you are doing? Its extremely possible. This is a common dynamic in relationships that involve drug and alcohol abuse. This dynamic is frequently found in other relationships. It is something you need to understand and understand in order to prevent bad relationships and increase your capability to develop good relationships.
Does it upset you when you hear someone chatter. Does it upset you when someone acts as if they are much better than everybody else, or if someone is impolite? These things can be irritating, however if you remain irritated longer than a lot of other people, stop and think about the possibility of control problems.
When you are distressed by another individuals behavior, its generally due to the fact that they are not behaving the method you think they need to act. You may understand what the individual is doing wrong and what they must or should refrain from doing. It might be clear to you that the individuals behavior is hazardous. If they would only do as you state they would be far better off. You wish to assist this person and it drives you nuts that they will not listen.
Remember that you can not control another individual. You can make recommendations, however you cant control the person and make them act as you think they should. In reality, the only thing you can manage is your own behavior.
A few of your discomfort may be because you feel accountable for the other persons behavior. You might feel embarrassed, practically as if it was your habits. Think of this: If you cant control another persons behavior, how can you be accountable for that behavior? You are not accountable. You are only responsible for your own behavior. You can only manage your own behavior. If another person picks to gossip, be impolite, or abuse drugs/ alcohol, keep in mind that they are accountable for that behavior, not you. You can not force them to stop since you can not control them.
What can you manage and what are you accountable for? You can just control one thing and you are just responsible for something, which is your own behavior. So, what can you carry out in these scenarios?
It is helpful to stop and believe through the circumstance as it relates to manage and obligation. If you are upset, is it associated to another persons habits? Were you in control of that behavior?
Now that the mind is clear, believe about what you can manage and what you are responsible for. Now you can stop filling your mind with what the other individual is doing and focus on what you can do. You might choose to have a discussion with the individual and let them know that what you heard sounded impolite or big-headed.
What about the individual who feels guilty due to the fact that they made someone upset? Each person decides how he or she will react to a situation.
Did you understand that you cant make me mad? Do not get me incorrect, I might blow up, however it will be my choice. I am responsible for my own anger. Prior to you smile too huge, know that you are not off the hook. You are not accountable for my anger, however you are responsible for your habits that I am responding to. You see, I have a choice. I can become angry and ground you, or I can remain calm and ground you. Thats not an excellent example, is it?
The point is that not only are we accountable for our own actions, but we are also responsible for our own responses and emotions [an exception would be the individual who experiences a mental illness and a chemical imbalance that impacts the feelings]
Often, the people around this individual bend over in reverse and stroll on eggshells to keep this individual from becoming upset. Of all, the individuals around this person are trying to manage another person. They are attempting to manage this individuals feelings by doing whatever it takes to keep the person from becoming upset.
Secondly, these people are feeling responsible for another persons sensations. http://collinxvyu123.theglensecret.com/civil-wedding-kingston-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly The more the person misbehaves with his/her anger, the more embarrassed the other people end up being.
Lastly, these people are strengthening this persons improper anger. All the individual has to do is blow up and everyone scrambles to please him or her.
I am not suggesting that you should intervene in these scenarios and deliberately make the individual mad, although that might be enjoyable. I just desire you to be aware of the vibrant and not get caught up in the function of attempting to control another individual.
I also want you to be aware of this vibrant and avoid attempting to control another person or feel responsible for another individuals behavior. Understanding the principles of obligation and control will be valuable throughout your lifetime.